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Wednesday, September 17, 2014

A Failure of Nerve





I have certain leadership principles which guide me in life, and in this one I failed. I had a failure of nerve. Let me explain; one the leadership books which guides me is A Failure of Nerve by Edwin H. Friedman. In the book, Friedman compares American society and its leadership to a dysfunctional family (he is a rabbi and family therapist.) Part of what he explains is how leaders have become primarily concerned with safety over adventure, satisfying complaints rather than leading from strength and vision, and looking to procedures and data rather than relationships to solve problems. This happens in families and is happening in society as well. Where I had the breakdown was in safety over adventure.

A few weeks ago my family went with some friends on a day trip to the tide pools near Monterrey. I was with my five year old daughter and my three year old son climbing over rocks and looking at the animals caught by the tide. It was a great opportunity to teach my kids how to be adventurous and let them gain confidence by climbing on the rocks. I told my hesitant daughter that the worst that could happen was to get wet. Then I watched as my daughter gained confidence and became more adventurous as she jumped from rock to rock. My friend and his son (about my daughter's age) did the same. It was this wonderful moment of bonding and adventure. We came to the end of the tide pools where there was a three foot jump over the water to a rock with only a small six inch ledge for the foothold on the other side. I looked and didn't think I could make it, especially not while helping my son. And there was definitely no way my daughter could make it. Then, without hesitation, my friend's son ignored the advice of the adults and took the leap... and made it to the other side. He was determined to make it to the top of a larger rock and this gap over the ocean was not going to stop him. My friend and I were shocked. My daughter immediately told me that she wanted to try it as well, and I said no. At the time I felt it was the correct decision, but on the way home I knew that I made a mistake. Was it really that big of a deal? Not really, but I am trying to help cultivate a spirit of adventure in my kids, so they aren't constantly held back by thoughts of safety. And not letting her at least try the jump was not the mindset I want her to have. Thankfully, my daughter quickly bounced back by telling us that she is going to start training to be an 
American Ninja Warrior.

Why do I think a sense of adventure is so important? Let me give you an example from Friedman's book: Christopher Columbus. If he were to sail into the unknown today, he would never get past OSHA or congress. Now, I am not saying that Columbus was some great guy with pure intentions. What I am saying is that he is not primarily concerned with safety, and it paid off in ways he did not imagine. We all need to take risks in our lives, and it is something which is cultivated in us.

Having the boldness and courage to take risks allows us to rely on God when our own certainty of the outcome is removed. We become more focused with ways to succeed rather than what could go wrong. We become centered on opportunity instead of avoidance of crisis. Evaluating risk is prudent, being smart instead of careless is good, but the desire for safety, the need for certainty, cannot be what drives our decisions.

One thing Friedman makes clear in his book, the solution to a failure of nerve is not to simply try harder. Rather it starts with internalization. In the case of my daughter jumping over the water the solution is not simply to try harder in seeking adventure, it is to prepare and cultivate within myself the spirit of adventure ahead of time. So when the opportunity comes, I am ready rather than defaulting to safety. What does that look like? In Acts 4 the disciples prayed for boldness after Peter and John were arrested. Jesus prayed at Gethsemane for God's will rather than his own. In my own prayer life I frequently pray for opportunity, but opportunity alone is nothing if it is not taken. What I am going to pray is that I have the boldness to jump at opportunity and that I am on the lookout for ways to cultivate that in my kids. Then I am going to go to the guys in my LTG to make sure they hold me accountable to it. 

 
Trying to Follow,
Mark