The Top Life Lessons to Teach My Kids

On Father's Day last year, I wrote one of my favorite blog posts which can be read here:  The Difference of  Being a Father to Boys and Girls and it was about my hopes and dreams for my kids.  This year, I have been thinking a lot about my vision and plan for my family; how I am going to lead my family.  My post last month was about the Vision for my Marriage.  Which leads me to thinking about the top things I want to make sure my kids have a firm grasp of as they grow up.  Many of these they will learn on their own or from others, but my goal is that they understand them.  Here are my lessons in no particular order:

(from the Resurgence) Good News vs. Good Advice

Good News vs. Good Advice
I just loved this post at the link above from the Resurgence.  I think everyone should read it.  It explains a piece of my own theology much better than I ever could.  I don't really have much else to add, just wanted to spread the word and really, to save it somewhere I can read it later.

Every Good Team Shares a Vision, Shouldn't Your Marriage Have One?

In any management/leadership training I have attended, in just about every management/leadership book I have read, in every good leader I have seen, one of the most important things they all make clear: a leader needs to have a vision and be able to successfully cast that vision to the team.  

Christmas: Why I Put my Trust in Jesus

This isn't going to be a post on why I believe in Christ or God, that will come another day.  This being the Christmas season, I was watching a football game and thinking of one of the most famous verses of the Bible: John 3:16.  "For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life."  For one, think about how much love that is, that the most powerful being in the universe, the creator of all sacrifices his son for us.  There are other religions out there which ask individuals to sacrifice their lives for their god.  I'm not sure who said it but I love this quote "My God doesn't ask us to sacrifice our sons for him, my God sacrificed his son for us."  That is why us Christians celebrate Christmas.  God could have sent Jesus to punish us and show us the evilness of our sin, but he didn't, he sent his son in an act of love so we could have a way to salvation and be closer to him.  How amazing is it to have a God who loves us that much?  The second part of the verse however, is our part in the relationship: "...that whoever believes in him..."  In this context, believing in him is not just believing in his existence, it is a belief in the love of God providing salvation.  In other words, putting our faith in him, trusting that God's love and sacrifice of his son will bring us eternal life with him, covered in his love.  But more, trusting that God knows what he is doing and knows what is best for us.  Trusting that when he gives us instructions (like the Ten Commandments and the two commandments of love given to us by Jesus) he is providing these out of our best interest.  The third piece of this verse is "...shall not perish, but have eternal life."  As Christians we believe that everyone has eternal life, it is just that by putting our trust in Christ on earth, our internal life will be in communion with God.

When I was young, I used to think about life and death often.  But since I started going to church I really don't think about it much anymore.  I had decided which path to follow and the funny thing is, it had nothing to do with eternal life.  Back when I was young and searching for the bigger purpose of life, I reflected on what it must have been like to actually meet Jesus.  What he must have been like to make people drop everything and follow him.  What was it about him which set him apart so that people recognized him and wanted to follow him?  Now there is no biblical backup for this but I think it was something in his eyes.  Something about the way he looked at people which expressed his absolute love for them.  Not a lustful look but a look of genuine love and concern for everyone he looked at.  As I read the Bible with the perspective of God being a loving God I realized that someone who loves us so much knows what he is doing.  There are a lot of things which happen in life which I don't like or enjoy and I may not fully even understand why they happen but, that doesn't mean God loves us any less.  Someone who goes so far as to sacrifice his son for us loves us in ways I cannot fully comprehend.  Love like that from the creator of the universe?  I may not understand or like everything he does but I have to trust that he has a purpose and reason behind it all, he knows what it takes for us to live a fulfilled life here on earth.  I trust that a creator who loves us so much is going to give us good direction in life and I want to follow that.  I'm not going to lie, I struggle with it often.  And I think a lot of people warp his teachings to fit their own agenda.  But overall, it is the path I want to continue down because I have seen a lot of positive change in my life.  Most importantly however, I can feel the love of God in my life.  What I feel is just a fraction of the love that is there, but it is something to experience.  I wish everyone could experience such love.

Being a Part of Something New and Exciting

When Alise and I first moved to So Cal finding a new church family was a struggle for us.  I can't imagine a better church than the one we had back in the Bay Area, the main reason was part of what drew me to Christianity; most of the people went to church because they wanted to be there.  It became a place where people were excited to see new faces and welcome people - anyone.  More than that, our small group became so close I would consider many of them to be some of my best friends - some were even a part of my proposal to Alise (that story will come later.)  We also both learned and grew so much because of the group and church family.  I can honestly say the person I was when I started attending was totally different from the person I was when I left.  So moving to Southern California and finding a new church was a huge deal for Alise and I, whatever church we found would have a lot to live up to.

Over the first eight months we were here we visited over ten churches.  Some lacked direction, some were too big, some were too conservative.  The two most disappointing to me were both close to where we lived at the time in Aliso Viejo. One was very friendly and welcoming, had a great style and lots of friendly people our age with kids.  But as we walked around we were overwhelmed with the wealth of the church, heck there were theater quality chairs - the nice type, padded rocking captain's chairs with cup holders and everything.  Now there is nothing wrong with a church in a somewhat wealthy community using its wealth to make people feel comfortable.  It just wasn't for us.  Heck, I was laughing at the four (4!) professional quality video cameras getting several angles of the pastor speaking with close ups and TV's everywhere even though if people were standing in the back they had a clear view of the stage.  Throughout the church were fliers, posters and banners for all sorts of programs and groups you could sign up for: but nothing about helping the community, nothing about outreach to help less fortunate people, nothing about supporting missionaries in other countries.  About 30 minutes into the service it became clear to me that this church was committed to supporting itself and its members.  The other church we gave a lot more time to, we attended for over two months.  During the sermons they said all the right things and were theologically in line with what we believed.  But after two months we had spoken to the pastor for a total of 15 seconds.  Alise signed up for a missions trip and the Associate Pastor ignored her calls, didn't call her back and walked the other way when he saw us after service.  People our age were already in set groups and didn't seem to be interested in inviting us in.

My point in this is to say that both of these churches were vibrant, full of people who were learning a lot about God and faith.  Every church is different and for different people.  Church is about finding the right fit for you and your personality.  But it is more than that, some churches out there appeal to people because they say all the right things.  Other churches do the right things. We didn't find ourselves fitting in with either of those churches.

After our long search we finally settled with Soul Survivor.  We knew it after the first service.  The Pastor, Paul was one of the more personable people one on one we had ever met.  The Worship Leader John and his wife Lindy drew us in with how real they were and how much they truly loved life and had a genuine compassion for people.  Plus we were able to actually engage with the church - it wasn't so big that we were lost in the mass of people.  Within a few months John took over as the lead pastor and after some time the church found its focus: the community of Costa Mesa.  It wasn't where we lived but we loved the commitment to engage with other people instead of keeping inside our little Christian "bubble."  Several members were committed to traveling and helping people in other countries.  Soul Survivor was a "real" church in my opinion.  So much so that we didn't want to go out of our way to bring other people in and the church may not have grown because of that.




A few months ago something unusual happened; our church joined with another church - Redemption Church.  At first I was a little bit hesitant about the merger because it seemed it was more about us becoming Redemption than the two merging.  Only two weeks in however I saw that I was totally wrong.  People from both churches sought to get to know each other and become one church with the best parts of each.  Redemption church has a great direction and clear identity now.  And the best part is, it feels like we are on the verge of something different, something big, something exciting.  A church committed to being a part of the community.  A church committed to helping its members grow as people.  A church which says the right things and wants its members to do the right things.  A church which is creating the type of environment to be a part of.  Since the merger we have been meeting at another church building but tomorrow is the first service at a new location where Redemption is launched on its own and I am pretty excited about it.  We are still a young church (I am still one of the oldest people there.)  But there is a good mix of single people and new families.  Last month there were three new babies.  Two the month before that.    There are almost as many kids under the age of 4 as there are adults.  Why is it so exciting to be a part of this new church launch?  Because people want to be there.  We look forward to Sundays and going to church.  So does Sydney, she can't wait to see her friends and learn about what Jesus did.

So if you are in Orange County and looking for a church which seeks to be genuine in following Christ instead of following traditions, come check it out.  Service is Sunday at 10am at Back Bay High School in Costa Mesa (tomorrow is the first service.)  Check out the website, come for a few weeks and give it a chance.  It may not be the right church for everyone, but you won't know until you give it a shot.

http://redemptionchurch.org/

The Proposal

from our engagement shoot.
photo by Charles Le  Photography

My wife Alise and I just celebrated out fifth wedding anniversary and I can honestly say, these past five years have been the best in my life so far.  But just because things are amazing right now doesn't mean they are at the pinnacle right now.  Our perspective on romance for example has changed greatly.  Now that we have two kids under the age of three, romance is a luxury.  For our fifth anniversary we had a romantic evening planned.  But in the end we had to consciously decide to not talk about the kids at dinner, spent 20 minutes in the hot tub and were both asleep by 10pm (did I mention it was New Year's Eve?)  Does that sound pathetic to you?  Then you must not have kids because to us it was glorious and amazing to spend an entire night alone and without interruption.  That is perspective for you because it wasn't always that way.  When we were young we were pretty romantic if I say so myself.  In fact I would have to say that the way I proposed was the most romantic thing I had ever done.  The best thing about my proposal however was that it was totally "us" - other couples have perfect proposal stories as well and it makes proposals great.  Each is unique to the couple, ideal for them and in many ways reflective of their values as a couple.

Our story started a few months earlier, Alise had just accepted a position at Vanguard University - which had always been her dream job but also meant she had to move about six hours away to Southern California.  It was the time to make the next step in commitment between us, to make that promise to each other.  I brought up the idea to our group of friends in our study group that we should go on a camping trip together and we decided on a campground near San Simeon - right off the beach which was perfect.  The gears were turning in my head.  Our friend Jen went shopping with me to look for a ring so I could get confirmation on style from a woman.  If not I might have picked a black titanium ring or something.  She also contributed a cake plate to the occasion.

the day after we were engaged

When we arrived at the campgrounds it was perfect.  From our group Matt and Danielle were there as well as Elissa, Amy, Dave and Mike and Jen.  It was the second night camping that I sprung my plan into action.  Our friend Amy took Alise into town for some quick shopping, while Mike, Jen and I went to a place I found the day before: a boardwalk trail over the sand with a benched lookout area near the beach.  We set up a table with candles, tablecloth and dinner.  When Alise returned from shopping I was at the campground waiting in a suit.

I told her the reason for the dinner was to celebrate her new job and played it cool through most of the meal.  At one point as it was getting dark I told her I wanted to see her better and walked over to give her a kiss.  While we were hugging I got down on one knee and took the ring out of my pocket.  I went over the words I was going to say for weeks ahead of time to get everything just right.  In reality however, the words didn't matter - she knew what was in my heart for her and said yes.

How did this reflect our personality as a couple?  We were surrounded by nature - which represents a closeness to God for both of us.  We were also able to share the event with our friends - which was very important to us as well.  Without our friends I don't think we would have been in a relationship.  In our busy lives today it seems we don't have much time for romance, but it does not diminish our love one bit.  With two small children we have made the most of every romantic moment we can, and will hopefully continue to for a long time.