How I Met Your Mother (For My Kids) Part 1

A few times in my life I have asked my parents how they met.  According to my mom they met while dancing at a club and had a mutual friend who introduced them.  According to my dad, they were at a bar, he dropped his wallet and my mom was there to pick it up.  There are several reasons why my mom's version is more believable (the primary of which being it is doubtful my dad had more than $10 in his wallet.)  But I have wondered what emotions were going on, what drew them to each other, what did they see in each other different from everyone before?  Thinking of this today while talking to a friend helped me realize I had to really think hard about what was going on with Alise and I.  So, I better get it down and put it out there before the story devolves to "we met at church when I dropped my wallet."

The first time I saw Alise was not a good time for me: just four months earlier I had gotten a divorce.  Emotionally I was in a bad place and I knew it, I was depressed and was not ready for another relationship.  Even though I was feeling guilt, depression and anger from the divorce, I continued to go to church - in fact i got even more involved because it was the most comforting place for me because my friends there were a constant.  One Sunday as I was getting to my seat I saw her across the aisle: and she was beautiful.  She was wearing a khaki skirt, maroon top and a tan jacket.  The first thought which popped into my head was "I am going to marry her" which was immediately followed by "that is insane, I don't even know her name or anything about her, she could be married already."  But still, from that moment I had a feeling I was going to marry her.  There weren't many people our age at church at that time so that same week I was casually asking some friends about her.  I wanted to know more about her, and it went beyond a normal attraction to a woman: I was drawn to her.  On the other hand, I knew I was not in a place to date her, so I went on with my life and kept the feeling of her in the back of my head.

Within a few months she started attending a study group which I was also a part of so I learned more about her: she was smart, funny, sweet and a little shy at times.  She was also extremely devoted, giving, kindhearted and hard working (she was working three jobs in addition to going to grad school.)  What attracted me to her most however, was her positive nature.  Not positive and upbeat like a cheerleader, but a positive outlook and faith in the goodness of life.  She expected the best from people, and she expected them to do the right thing.  And when people were around her, they wanted to do the right thing, and I did too.  The more I got to know her, the more I was drawn to her.  And I think that is the best description of how I felt about her: drawn to her.  I hardly knew her on a personal level, and rarely spoke with her one on one, but we did engage each other frequently in group discussions and the more I interacted with her the more respect I gained for her, for who she was and how smart and kind she was.  Call me crazy, but I don't think I was alone in this: when I was single I made a mental list of what I was looking for in a potential spouse.  The list was my dream list of what I wanted, or needed in someone I could potentially marry and was to be considered a "dream list" of the perfect woman.  Alise blew away my list, hardly meeting any of my own criteria and yet redefining what I wanted.  She was creating a new list for me and the more I got to know her the more I knew I needed to get to know her better outside of the group.  But I wasn't sure if I was ready yet.

After almost a year of this I had learned quite a bit about her character, personality and perspective of life, but I did not know much about who she was on a personal level: what she liked, what she did in her spare time or even if she was dating someone.  One Sunday she brought a male friend to church and I just about freaked out.  He was from out of town and staying with her for the weekend - though in my head I was not sure what exactly that meant.  Was this a boyfriend?  The topic of this guy came up at study that week and when I learned he was not her boyfriend I knew the time for simply getting to know her was over - I had to start acting on engaging her on a personal level and truly see if there was as much chemistry between us I hoped there was.  I was actually dating someone at the time and broke up with her within a couple of days - and made sure Alise knew it.  A few weeks later is when I took the next step.  Our study group was planning a trip up to Yosemite, I was the group leader and we would be staying at Alise's parent's house (which is just outside of Yosemite) so we spoke a lot in preparation for the trip.  The day before the trip I called her up and asked her out.  And she said yes.