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Wednesday, July 20, 2011

Narcissism in Prayer?

A couple of months ago I came across this great article on conversational narcissism : http://artofmanliness.com/2011/05/01/the-art-of-conversation-how-to-avoid-conversational-narcissism/ 
or more precisely, how to recognize it and avoid it.  It's a great article and you should read it.  Go ahead and read it now and come back here after.  It's really better than this blog will be.  

As I was reading the article I slowly began to realize I was a conversational narcissist, maybe not horribly bad, but not good either.  If nothing else it helped me see how often in conversation I was thinking about my response instead of paying attention or asking questions.  I immediately realized two things: I was really bad at carrying a conversation if I just listen and a lot of people I talk to are more concerned with telling me about themselves than asking about me.  Which was eye opening as well.  

Meanwhile, I had been trying hard to focus on prayer, to make a deeper connection with God and find new ways to relate to him.  The problem was, my prayers seemed so empty and one sided.  I think you can see where I am going with this.  Most of the time when I prayed I usually asked for something from God or for a solution to my problems or whatever I was working on internally - then I immediately tried to think of a solution or plan how I could better myself.  That is essentially when it hit me: I was being a conversational narcissist in my prayer life.  Worse yet, I was trying to answer my own prayers: it was simply a conversation with myself and waiting for God to give me the thumbs up.  

This is the theological equivalent of talking at someone instead of talking with someone.  Except that someone is the Creator of the universe, and I am just me.  My life has always been a poor balance of low self-esteem and an egotistical know-it-all: being my best at a humble yet confident middle ground but doing a bad job of consistently staying there.  It's hard to face the thought of my prayer life being more of the later.  I believe the point of prayer is not to get what I want from God: it is to get aligned with God's will.  It is being brought into peace and revelation of what he wants from my life and those around me.  Instead of wanting and desiring possession, I would want and desire to further his Kingdom.  But if my prayers are nothing but asking, seeking, and worst of all telling, then how can I be listening, learning and conforming?  It almost sounds strange to say it, but the point of prayer should be to get to know God.  Not the God I want or the God I expect but the true God.  And that true God is tough to see if my prayer life is preoccupied with my own needs, wants, desires and ego.  How can I seek his will if I am clouded with my own perception of God?  How can I seek his will when I am preoccupied with my own? I can't.  Dropping the narcissism from my prayer life means listening, waiting, asking questions and accepting the answers even if I don't like them.  Just like conversation, the result is a more fulfilling and engaging interaction.  And when that interaction is with the Creator of the universe, the lack of narcissism on my part is justified.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Prayer is a tool he gives us through which we can confess our sins, request blessings for ourselves or our neighbors, and thank a praise Him for His grace and mercy.

Scripture also plainly shows us that it's God-pleasing to ask for blessings through prayer and that God provides what we ask when it brings Him glory and benefits us or our neighbor (Ps. 50:15; Gen. 18:23-32; Matt. 8:5-6).

I appreciate the major premise of your post- narcissism can certainly affect the way we pray. However, I encourage you to view prayer as a tool where your heart can converse with the Lord (Psalm 27:8). In prayer, we go to God and speak to Him- the blessings of prayer come in response to these requests, not in prayer but through it and on account of it because Jesus has redeemed us and made us right before our maker through fulfilling the Law and innocently sacrificing Himself on our behalf. The primary way He gives us these blessings is through the Means of Grace- through baptism, the Lord's supper, and His Word. Through these means God comes to us and blesses us with the forgiveness of sins, life, and eternal salvation.

Keep praying. As Luther says, the Christian's prayer life is like his heartbeat- it never ceases. (St. L. VIII:363) Don't seek to know God through prayer though, you can't learn about Him there. God has revealed everything about Himself that He wants you to know through His Word- through the divinely inspired Words of the Bible. Seek Him there and you'll find everything you need to know.

In the light of the Son- Ben.